Dear journal… #storytime

Dear journal… (this blog entry gives me full Vampire Diaries vibes and I’m loving it) 🐦‍⬛

It’s been almost a year since I’ve landed in the worst job experience of my life so far. Even thinking back to it now, a year later, I still feel sick to my stomach.

Let’s go back to the beginning. In April 2022 we have finally moved into our home and started calling ourselves home owners (truth be told, we never called ourselves that, but let’s just go with it anyway). 🏡 I would say we started packing and slowly moving everything to the new house just before April, but the reality is that we started packing since October 2021, when our offer was first accepted. And this was not hard to do, as a lot of our things were in boxes and piles all around our small apartment long before we found the house. We were quite literally running out of space. 📦

I miss that small apartment (flat, as they call it here in the UK). It was our home for a bit over 5 years, our first place that we lived together on our own, and the first home for our cats – Scofield and Sunny. We had the best memories, the best of times, and the hardest ones, too. When the pandemic started, it took almost all my energy to keep my hopes up that things will ever go back to normal. I cried a lot, but we laughed a lot, too. On that little red couch, the first couch that we ever bought, was where we spent hours discovering the beautiful story of The Last Of Us – we have randomly found this in PlayStation Store 🎮 long before they announced it was going to be adapted for HBO, which makes it even more special somehow. (I’ll take a moment here to recommend both the game and the TV show, in case you missed out)

We moved a day after my birthday, on the 9th of April 2022, into what has since become our new home. We had to take several trips from one place to the other, and we loaded and unloaded the rented van on our own. In between trips, Scofield decided to check out a tall piece of furniture that was moved so we can get around things in the apartment, and broke one of his claws by the time we got back. We run him to the Emergency Room at the vets where he had it removed. Took him a few months to grow it back, but he was fine. We weren’t. We wasted a few hours that could’ve been used to move things. We ended up fully moved, cats and all, around 10pm. In the new house, Scofield and Sunny 🐾 were slightly scared to begin with, but they have adaptated extremely well since. And they love having so much extra space to run and sleep, their main activities apart from eating and pooping.

At the time of the move, I was still in the employment of a GP surgery under the NHS, which (for my non-UK friends) this is basically your family doctor. Our new home is in a more rural area, therefore making public transport almost non-existent. It was getting really difficult to get to work, with buses either cancelled or very delayed without any notice. So I decided to leave in the Summer, July 2022, to work closely to home for a private company. It was exciting and scary at the same time, it’s like I almost had a premonition of what was going to happen in the next few months that followed.

My induction, that lasted about two weeks, was a nightmare. I was constantly bullied, looked down on, laughed at, and basically just treated as that maths class teacher in highschool that I dreaded with my whole being (if you’ve been brought up in a Romanian highschool, you know what I mean). I used to take my lunch break and just cry on my phone to my husband, that’s how bad it was (that selfie at the top was taken while texting him one day). When this induction part was finally over, I was already unhappy and sad because I slowly came to the realization that my choice has been very unfortunate – to say the least.

Last Summer in England was also very hot, which I’m happy to report is not happening this year (I’m internally dancing). My wedding dress was still on its way and I was getting very anxious because the wedding was in September and I hadn’t even try the dress on at that point. Add to this the fact that my work office/space was a disgusting place. It was filty, it was full to the brim with all the random pieces of furniture, and the whole place stunk. There was no air conditioning or any other means to survive the hot weather. Back home, we had the upstairs in somewhat of a working condition, but the entire downstairs was still a construction site. To say last year was overwhealming it’s an understatement. I was a mess, and I couldn’t enjoy the wedding organization, or the house move, or life in general. I was all over the place.

After the wedding, which took place in Romania, we came back home and resumed life as normal. After a few more weeks, we took a short holiday to Amsterdam, which was hands down one of the happiest times of 2022. We loved that trip and that city. And I encourage anyone to visit, it truly is beautiful. If you ever find yourself in Amsterdam, please visit Anne Frank House, too.

After Amsterdam, something just snapped in me. I resigned. And it was the hardest thing I had to do. We were now home owners, with a mortgage that needed to be paid, and where to count the amount of food that our cats eat, you know?! Just joking (well, kind of), but it truly was the hardest thing. Somehow, it was the easiest thing, too. I needed to put myself first and not settle. Not settle for the money, because that is not the most important thing in my life. I get teary eyed thinking of the amount of support I got from my husband. During the pandemic, during this decision, everything. And that is the most important thing for me. ♡

I kept thinking of this movie and book, Me Before You, when all of this was going down last year. I remember reading this years ago and watching the movie with my best friend, Angela (miss you, girl!), and how much it touched me. If you read the book or watch the movie (or both, please do), and look closely, you will see that the main subject of that story is living. And in Jojo Moyes’ story, this takes multiple faces. You have, of course, Will. Who gives the main lesson and teaches Lou to live: “don’t settle, just live”.

We decided to spent the Christmas together, while working on the house (we’re never gonna forget how we installed the banister and railing of the stairway on Christmas Eve). We cooked traditional Romanian food, we watched movies, we opened presents, and cuddled on the couch. I tried to forget about the uncertainty of me being unemployed. I tried to allow myself to enjoy a few moments of quiet, because I was free and I knew I was going to find another job eventually. That time was when I first listened to my gut feeling completely, when I took the decision to leave my job. And I’ve never been happier.

Andreea and Marius came to spend New Years’ Eve with us and it was such a fun time. We visited Hever Castle for a second time, bringing back memories of the first visit that happened right before the pandemic in November 2019, and we were happy that Andreea could see it now as well. When 2023 started, we missed the countdown because we were too busy playing Monopoloy 🎲 (thanks, Marius), but truly it has been such a growing year. We grew as people, but also we started growing tomatoes, and fruit trees, and flowers. 🤭 I’ve been working since February and it’s been really great. We’ve also been reading more books and this is still one of our favourite activities to do together. We fell in love with The Last Of Us adaptation, and I fell in love with Pedro Pascal. Hubby fell in love with Formula 1 and we visited Silverstone a few weeks ago, so that makes us even, you know.

Sometimes, the scary and hard decision turns out to be the best decision that you can take for yourself. I didn’t really believe this at the end of 2022, but life showed me the opposite. A job shouldn’t be just a way of paying your bills. And I’m not talking necesarily about the dream job because I know that’s cliche. Your job should be a place where you are welcomed, appreciated, and respected.

This last year was packed. I’ve learned a lot about myself. And I know I’m better today for the decisions I’ve taken before and because I trusted my gut. I urge you to do the same, listen to yourself before anything and anyone else.

Push yourself. Don’t settle. Just live well. Just LIVE.
– Will Traynor